How do I tell my children about the divorce?

Telling your children about the divorce is one of the most difficult conversations you will have. Child psychologists and family therapists generally recommend several approaches that can help make this conversation as supportive as possible.

If at all possible, both parents should tell the children together. This demonstrates unity and reassures children that both parents are still working together for their wellbeing. Plan what you will say ahead of time and agree on a consistent message.

Keep the explanation age-appropriate. Young children need simple, concrete explanations: "Mommy and Daddy are going to live in different houses, but we both love you very much and that will never change." Older children and teenagers can understand more nuance but still should not be burdened with adult details about why the marriage is ending.

Avoid blaming either parent. Regardless of the circumstances, children benefit from hearing that the divorce is an adult decision and that it is not their fault. Be prepared to repeat this message many times, as children often struggle with guilt even when told otherwise.

Be honest about what will change and what will stay the same. Children need to know where they will live, whether they will stay in the same school, and when they will see each parent. If you do not have all the answers yet, it is okay to say that and commit to telling them as soon as you know.

Allow children to react in their own way and on their own timeline. Some children cry, some get angry, some seem unaffected initially but process it later.

DIVORSAY's Auntia AI can provide age-specific guidance for talking to children about divorce based on developmental psychology research.